What pronouns are

Pronouns are words we use to refer to people in third person. In English, third-person pronouns are gendered. 

To refer to someone correctly, you need to know:

• What pronouns they use, if any.
• Whether they use their name instead of pronouns.
• If they use multiple sets of pronouns.

See list of pronoun examples

Why pronouns matter

Using a person's pronouns is calling them by the correct name. You are being respectful. Calling someone the wrong pronouns can be invalidating to them as person. 

It's especially important to use the right pronouns for people who are transgender or gender nonconforming. People might often use the wrong pronouns. Even if one did not mean any harm, this can be painful for someone with this history.

What to do if you use the wrong pronouns

Why to share pronouns

Sharing pronouns creates a culture where:

• We do not make assumptions about gender. 
• People can control where and when they are out to each other.

How to share and use pronouns

Use the correct pronouns for someone, unless they explicitly tell you not to. This includes if they are in the room or not.

Share your pronouns in:

• Introductions, and ask others to share their pronouns.
• Written materials, such as your email signature.

Help and inform others

When a person is not around, help others around you use the correct pronouns.

For example, you might say:

• "You may not have known this, but Lan actually uses they/them pronouns.”
• “Sarah uses Sarah's name instead of pronouns.”   

If you know someone well, you may ask them how or if they would like you to correct others. 

Inform others only on pronouns 

Inform others only about someone's pronouns. Do not inform on someone's identity.  

For example, if your new coworker asks about the pronouns of someone they haven’t met yet:

• You could say, "Jamie uses she/her pronouns.”
• Do not say, "Jamie is a trans woman.” 

You do not need to bring up someone’s identity. Not everyone wants their identity shared or discussed. 

If you use the wrong pronouns

If you use an incorrect pronoun for someone:

• Correct yourself.
• Apologize briefly.
• Move on. Do not dwell on it.

It's important to learn and practice getting it right in the future.

Get better at using pronouns

How to apologize right away

Apologize to the person as soon as you can. Be brief.

For example, you might say:

• "She – I'm sorry, I mean he – wrote up the agenda."
• "He will join the meeting. I apologize; I used the wrong pronouns. They will join the meeting."

How to apologize later

If you used an incorrect pronoun for someone earlier, and didn’t realize it in the moment, you can reach out to the person. Be brief in your apology.

For example, you might say:

“Sorry, I know you use your name instead of pronouns, and I messed that up earlier. I will get it right next time.”

Get better at using pronouns

Someone you know may have changed or use pronouns you have not heard before. It can take practice to get their pronouns right.

Using no pronouns

If you’re talking about someone who uses no pronouns, it may feel like you’re using a name a lot. This is okay. You might not have noticed how often we use pronouns in a sentence.

Ways to practice

• Practice using new or no pronouns on your pet or to yourself.
• Ask a friend to help you practice out loud.
• Make up sentences about them while doing a chore or commuting to work.
• Write down sentences about them to make sure you're getting it right.